


Dan Moves Out

by Knighttimerose (LilMissHammond)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Arguing, Existential Crisis, Lots of Angst, Moving Out, allusion to Dan's depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-08 20:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11654016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilMissHammond/pseuds/Knighttimerose
Summary: "The more they argue, the more Phil realizes how fragile their friendship has become over the past few months. Dan had been hiding himself away and their friendship was slowly crumbling."





	Dan Moves Out

Phil had noticed a change in Dan’s behavior two months ago, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up to him. But now, seeing Dan curled up in a corner of his bedroom, he knew that he should have. It hadn’t been very drastic, Dan was just slowly becoming quieter, and maybe that’s why Phil hadn’t said anything. Or maybe Phil was scared of what it might mean, and so he was selfishly trying to ignore it and hope it would pass. But Dan had become worse and worse, and Phil had become scared of saying anything to upset Dan. He didn’t want to start an argument over something stupid.

“Dan?” Phil keeps his voice low and soft as he pads gently across the room. He doesn’t get a response, although he wasn’t really expecting one. “Danny?” He wonders if his voice is even getting through to the other man.

Dan had started spending more and more time in his room, and Phil hadn’t found it that unusual until he had stopped coming down for meals and Phil had had to go upstairs and nag him until he eventually gave in and followed the darker haired boy to the dining table. Phil had decided that giving Dan some space would be the best, as long as he kept track of what he was eating in a day. It was hard, he missed talking to his best friend all the time, but Phil threw himself into making videos and upping his editing skills to distract himself. He was sure Dan would be fine, given some time. And he would always be there for Dan, whatever he needed.

“Are you alright, Dan?” Phil reaches out to touch his shoulder lightly, and Dan starts, his eyes finally focusing on Phil. Phil smiles in relief, but it’s short lived as Dan swats his hand away.

“I’m fine.” His voice is cold, his eyes hard. Phil’s brows draw together in concern. He’s never heard Dan use this voice on him.

“Are you sure? You’re-”

“I said I’m fine, Phil,” Dan snaps.

Phil recoils a little in shock and he sees a moment of regret flicker in Dan’s eyes. But he doesn’t say anything, merely looks away from Phil and back down at the floor. Despite himself, Phil reaches out to Dan again. He’s confused and more than a little scared, and he just wants to help.

“What’s going on?”

Dan doesn’t reply, and for a moment Phil thinks he’s going to ignore him, but he notices the way Dan’s whole body is shaking suddenly. He puts his hand on Dan’s back, and the other flinches away from him.

“Dan, please. Talk to me.”

In the blink of an eye, Dan has shoved Phil backwards and scrambled to the other side of the room, like a frightened animal. “Just go away.”

Startled, Phil lays frozen on his back for a moment, blinking up at the ceiling. He starts to think that this situation, whatever it is, is worse than he had previously thought. He’s not used to Dan lashing out at him, nor this cold hard voice. Sure, Dan has a bit of a temper, and he’ll slam doors when he’s mad, but he’s never shoved Phil. He wouldn’t ever hurt him on purpose.

 _He’s just scared,_ Phil thinks. He clambers to his feet, turning to face Dan. Dan’s stood in front of his bed, his chest heaving and body still shaking. Phil takes a step forwards, and Dan tenses, like he’s about to dart out of the bedroom. Phil decides to treat him like a skittish horse, so he doesn’t frighten him off.

“Dan, please.” He’s uncertain of what else he can say to get the brunette to listen to him. “Just calm down.”

Dan locks eyes with him, and Phil is surprised to find what he’s certain is hate burning in his brown eyes. “Leave me alone, Phil. I don’t need you.”

His words hurt more than if he’d slapped Phil across the face, but he manages not to flinch. “Would you just talk to me?”

“I have nothing to say.” Dan turns away from him, and Phil feels anger rising in his chest. He stalks towards Dan, grabs him by the shoulder and turns him around.

“For God's sake, Daniel.”

Dan’s eyes widen slightly, whether in surprise at his language or finding Phil suddenly two inches from his face, Phil isn’t sure. But the next moment, his eyes are narrowed again and he yanks his shoulder from Phil’s grasp. “Phil, stop.” There’s a tight feeling in Dan’s chest, and he’s unsure if he wants to cry or scream, but he doesn’t want to do either in front of Phil.

“Dan, just…” Phil reaches out again, but stops himself just short of touching Dan. He clenches his hand into a fist and drops it to his side. “Please,” he tries again.

“No.”

“Come on, Dan.”

“No.”

“Stop being so stubborn, and talk to me.”

Dan whips back around to face him. He’s had enough of Phil trying to talk to him, to comfort him. He just wants him to go away. He snaps. The feeling in his chest boils over and comes spilling out. “Just fuck _off,_ Phil!”

He expects Phil to recoil, perhaps to turn and leave the room. But instead, Phil is yelling back at him and suddenly they’re arguing and two years of Dan’s pent up emotions come flowing out. They yell and scream, and Phil is sure that the neighbours are going to come running or call the police, but he doesn’t care because he’s finally getting Dan to talk to him. And the more they argue, the more Phil realizes how fragile their friendship has become over the past few months. Dan had been hiding himself away and their friendship was slowly crumbling. And now they’re stood two feet apart, yelling at each other, barely able to rein in their rage. Unbidden tears start sliding down Phil's cheeks. Dan sees this, and his face falls. He stops midway through yelling, and just stares at Phil. This isn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want to make Phil cry, and yet it was happening.

“You’ve grown sick of me, haven’t you?” Phil whispers.

Dan’s heart drops, and he scrambles around with his words. “Phil, no. It’s not… you’re not the problem, I just…” he trails off, unable to put what he’s feeling into words.

Phil lets out a small, harsh laugh. “‘It’s not you, it’s me’, right?”

Dan shakes his head frantically, unsure of how to get it across to Phil. “I don’t- I don’t hate you,” he tries.

Phil’s lips pull up in a tiny half-hearted smile. “I’m sure you don’t.”

Dan opens his mouth again to deny it, but Phil just silences him with a wave of his hand and turns away.

“Don’t bother lying, Dan,” he says, before walking out of the room. And despite how hard he tries to keep his voice stable, it cracks on the last word.

 

\---

 

A few hours later when Dan returns with an empty cardboard box, Phil is curled up on his bed with a book. He doesn’t look up as Dan walks into the room, and so Dan too ignores him and starts collecting the few items around Phil’s room that belong to him. There aren’t many, a stray Pokemon plushie here and a book there; he decides to leave his half-dead cactus with Phil. It’d probably die on the way back home anyway. Once he’s found all of the things that he’s sure belong to him, he turns to Phil’s bookshelf with a sigh. This is the part he’s least looking forward to. Phil watches him over the top of his book as Dan drops the box on the floor next to the white bookshelf. He quickly averts his eyes before Dan can make eye contact. They’ve both been crying, but Phil doesn’t want to see the guilt in Dan’s eyes at being the one to cause his tears. After all the arguing and raised voices (there aren’t many times Phil will raise his voice, but today he wants to scream at Dan), Phil had retreated straight to his bedroom. He hadn’t thought Dan would follow him, but of course the brunette had hovered in the doorway as he watched his friend sit on his bed in tears. There wasn’t much left to say, but Dan had still found the words that Phil had been dreading hearing him say; “I’m moving out.” Then he’d left, and hadn’t said a word to Phil since.

Now, standing near the end of Phil’s bed, Dan wishes he has something more to say. But there’s nothing to say. The damage is done. So instead he turns to the shelf of DVDs and starts picking out his ones. Dan can feel Phil’s eyes on him every so often as he stacks the DVDs into the box. He pauses partway through, holding their copies of the anime **Free!** Dan had brought the first season out of pure curiosity and then Phil had brought the second as soon as it was released, both of them having loved the anime.

“Do you want me to leave this?” Dan asks, holding up his DVD. Phil sets his book down then, and it seems to Dan as though he is going to say something, or perhaps get angry with him again. But Phil merely shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it. I can watch the first season online if I want to rewatch it.” His voice is low and slightly croaky, but he’s determined not to let it crack.

Dan nods, and places the DVD in the box. Phil watches him as he looks through the rest of their anime. He makes a mental list of what Dan takes, and which he will resort to just watching online and which he’ll buy. Dan pauses on the next shelf, his hand hovering near Phil’s X-Files box set. One of the disks of season two had broken during one of their rewatches, and Dan had scoured the internet for days until he found a replacement. He decides to leave it there; after all, it was technically a gift for Phil.

Dan finishes going through the bookshelf and carefully picks up the now full cardboard box. Phil is still watching him, but he turns away and walks out of the room without another word. He goes into his bedroom, carefully stepping over the other boxes littering the floor and sets the one in his arms down on the bed. He scoops up all the things he’d found in his room belonging to Phil (somehow there was more here than he’d found of his in Phil’s room) and walks back to Phil’s bedroom. The black haired man has picked up his book again, but he hasn’t read a single word since Dan had left the room. He quickly blinks back more tears that were threatening to fall as Dan dumps everything on his drawers. He turns to Phil, holding a jumper in his hand.

“I guess I should finally give this back,” he says as he hands it to Phil. He’d taken the Halloween sweater from Phil’s bedroom a few years ago on a really cold October night, and Phil had laughed when Dan had wandered into the lounge with it on.

“Seriously?” He’d said as Dan flopped down on the couch.

“What, it’s cozy,” Dan had replied, plucking at the black fabric. “I’m never taking it off.” And to prove his point, he’d worn it for three days straight.

Phil takes the jumper and places it next to him on the bed. “Thanks,” he says, although he doesn’t really care if Dan wanted to take it with him. He’d almost hoped that he would, as a way of remembering him. But he guesses that Dan is trying to do just the opposite.

 

\---

 

Back in his bedroom, Dan sits on his bed and tries not to think about Phil in the next room. He’s trying to work out what else he needs to pack, and the fastest way to go about it. He doesn’t want to drag this out, it’d be too painful for both of them. He just wants to collect what he knows is his, and be out of here before he starts to regret his decision. Although it hurts his heart to think about leaving Phil all alone in this apartment full of memories, he knows that it’s better for them if Dan does move out. There’s no point in trying to drag this out any longer than it has been, he knows their friendship has been rocky for a few months. In fact, it was over the Christmas break that he had thought about it all and come to the conclusion that perhaps they weren’t best friends anymore. And although they continued on with their lives as usual, things that Dan had once found endearing from Phil started to get on his nerves and he found himself getting more and more frustrated with Phil. He tried not to let it show, especially during filming, and decided that spending less time around Phil would make it easier on the both of them. He spent most of the day in his room with the curtains drawn, lying on his bed listening to Radiohead or watching endless Netflix on his laptop. He’d only come out of his room for food or to use the bathroom, talking to Phil only when he had to, and remaining silent and stoic the rest of the time.

Dan sighs and scrapes his fingers back through his hair, making it stand on end. He knows now that he had probably made it harder on Phil than was necessary, but his mind was clouded and he had found it easier to just sit in bed and distract himself with mindless activities. He knew that Phil was worried about him, and he knows that he still very much is, but he couldn’t help himself. _Phil will be okay_ , he thinks. Dan will move out, and Phil will find himself a new place, and eventually they might start talking again like they used to. _I’ll be okay._

 

When Dan comes out of his bedroom to gather his things from the lounge, he peeks into Phil’s room to check on him but the taller man isn’t there. Dan suspects he’s in the kitchen making himself a cup of tea. A moment later, Dan hears the kettle boiling and smiles a little to himself. He realizes he could also do with some tea or a hot cocoa about now. He walks past the kitchen without bothering to look in, expecting Phil to be stood in there debating over their hundreds of mugs, but instead when Dan walks into the lounge he finds Phil sat on the sofa. Phil is hunched up slightly in Dan’s sofa crease, holding onto what seems to be a toy. As Dan walks closer, he realizes it’s a plushie of himself and he freezes. He doesn’t know what to say, it’s completely thrown him off. The last thing he expected to see was Phil clutching onto a plushie Dan as if he were a drowning man and the only thing that could save him was the toy.

Dan clears his throat awkwardly, not knowing what else to do, and Phil’s drags his eyes away from the plushie and up to the real Dan. A sad smile forms on his lips, and Dan realizes once more that he’s been crying. His heart aches in his chest, he hates knowing he made Phil cry. Phil stands, and holds the toy out to Dan.

“Here.” Dan silently takes the toy and looks down at it. He opens his mouth to say something to Phil, but he’s already sidled past and is walking out of the room.

“Thanks,” Dan mutters, holding the plushie close to his chest.

 

\---

 

Dan had left all of the stuff in the kitchen until last. He knows that apart from the couple of hundred mugs he’s acquired over the past few years, there isn’t all that much to take with him. Plus, he’s happy to leave most of it to Phil anyway; he won’t need it moving back home. So he places a small box on the bench, along with a few newspapers, and starts carefully wrapping up his mugs. Phil had often joked to Dan about how many mugs they had just for two people, and they’d even mentioned it once or twice in their videos, and he’s right. Dan has already carefully packed away ten mugs, and he’s not even halfway through yet. He picks up a white mug with whiskers drawn on it, and stares at it for a moment with a half smile. It’s one of the mugs that they sell on their merch shop. Or, used to sell. It wouldn’t be long until their virtual shop was closed and the website shutdown. And then their merch would be a reminder of a time that was, a memory of the past. It would no longer be “Dan and Phil”, it would just be “Amazing Phil” and “danisnotonfire”. They’d go back to being separate YouTubers. If, that was, Dan even stayed on YouTube. He hadn’t decided yet, but it was painful to think about. He didn’t know what the future held for him anymore; the one thing he had always relied on to be in his life was broken. Their friendship lay shattered on the ground, in too many tiny and jagged pieces to put back together.

In his room, Phil startles when he hears the sound of something smashing but he’s scrambling off his bed and out the door before his brain can fully comprehend what’s going on. He races towards the kitchen, aware enough to avoid slamming face first into the stupid glass door, and walks over to Dan.

“Dan?” There are white pieces of ceramic scattered on the tiles, and Phil is careful to avoid stepping on any shards. “Are you alright?”

Dan doesn’t reply, a far off look in his eyes. His hand is still frozen in front of him, where the mug slipped from his grip. Phil recognizes in an instant what’s going on, and he gently wraps an arm around Dan’s shoulders.

“Do you want to sit down?” Dan nods, and leans into Phil a bit. With some careful maneuvering so that neither of them slice a body part open on the shards of the mug, Phil sits them both down on the kitchen floor in the corner. Dan rests his head on Phil’s shoulder and pulls his knees up to his chest. Phil sits next to him silently, keeping his arm around Dan for support. He has a feeling that Dan isn’t going to talk for a little bit.

After a while, Dan finally moves again, bringing his hand up to wipe away the stray tears that had escaped. He moves his head off of Phil’s shoulder, but stays leaning against him.

“Do you want to talk?” Phil asks quietly.

Dan isn’t sure. There are so many things racing around his brain, although they’ve quietened down significantly, but he doesn’t know which thoughts to voice. He knows one hundred percent that Phil has also had some of these thoughts, but he also knows that bringing them up won’t do either of them much good. He shakes his head no.

Phil nods in understanding, and looks towards the shattered mug on the ground. There are some rather big pieces and on one of them he can see part of the whiskers. He can guess what Dan must have been thinking when he took the mug out, and why he dropped it. Phil squeezes Dan’s knee, and Dan looks over at him.

“Do you want some chocolate?”

A half-smile tugs at the corner of Dan’s lips. “Yeah.”

 

\---

 

After the incident in the kitchen, Dan is careful to avoid thinking about the future and other things that might trigger an unwanted existential crisis. He also avoids Phil as much as possible, hiding away in his bedroom until he absolutely has to leave and then darting back as fast as he can. He doesn’t want to look at Phil, and he really doesn’t want Phil to talk to him about what happened. He doesn’t want to realize that perhaps he does need Phil in his life. So when he hears Phil come out of his bedroom and head up to their office/gaming room, Dan quietly sneaks into the lounge, wanting to put as much space between them as possible. He finishes packing away what’s left in the lounge and kitchen, knowing Phil will be editing a video and won’t emerge from the office for a few hours.

Around 7pm, Phil pokes his head around the door into the lounge, his searching eyes landing on Dan crouched in front of the fireplace.

“What should we have for dinner?” he asks, smiling to himself as Dan jumps at his voice. He ignores the muttered cursing.

“Oh, er, I thought we could just order pizza,” Dan says, still focused on trying to light the fire.

“Right, yeah.” The smile drops off Phil’s face. He’s worried that maybe Dan’s trying to avoid him, since he’ll barely make eye contact with him lately. “Sounds good.” He decides to just let it be for now rather than end up arguing with Dan again. He’d had more than enough of that to last him a lifetime.

Dan finally stands and brushes off his jeans. The fire is slowly coming to life behind him. “Can you order it?” he asks, glancing over at Phil. “I’ve still got to go through the gaming room.”

“The usual?”

Dan nods, scurrying past him out the door. “Yeah, thanks.” He takes off up the stairs, leaving Phil standing in the doorway. He shakes his head, and wanders to his room for his laptop.

 

The doorbell rings just as Phil starts looking for a new anime to watch. From the next room, he hears an excited Dan call “Phiiiil!” and two seconds later Dan is standing by his bed. “The pizza’s here!” One thing that can always brighten Dan’s mood, if only for a while, is pizza.

Phil laughs and scrambles off his bed, following after Dan as he rushes out the door. Dan hurries down to the front door, a wide smile on his face which Phil is glad to see. He hasn’t seen Dan smile properly for the past few days. Phil starts to think that maybe their friendship won’t be completely broken after all. When Dan comes back up the stairs with the pizza, Phil grins at him and grabs the bag containing their garlic bread.

"This is mine."

Dan lets out a small laugh as Phil carries his treasure into the lounge, and grabs some napkins and glasses for the soda from the kitchen before following him. He sets everything down on the coffee table and flops onto the sofa, watching Phil fiddle with the remote as he sets up Attack On Titan for them to watch.

"Hurry up," he teases. "The pizza is gonna go cold." Phil just rolls his eyes to the ceiling, a tiny smile on his face, and finally gets the DVD started. He's excited to watch some anime with Dan again and not have an awkward silence hanging over them.

 

But by the time the second episode starts, Dan is back to being quiet and withdrawn, the same as he’d been the past few weeks. He picks at the slice of pizza he’s holding, no longer very interested in it. But he knows Phil will get upset with him if he doesn’t eat enough and so he forces himself to slowly nibble at it. Phil watches him sadly out of the corner of his eye, but chooses to stay silent. He’s rather lost his appetite for the pizza now too. The sun has long set and the rest of the pizza is cold by the time Dan finally rises from the couch, stretching his arms above his head. He glances over at Phil, who has paused the TV and is now looking up at Dan.

“Gonna head up to bed,” he mutters, avoid eye contact as much as possible. “You can finish the episode without me.”

Phil nods at him, letting a small smile cross his mouth. “Goodnight.”

He watches Dan walk out of the room, before turning back to the TV. But he can’t focus on it anymore, so he picks up his phone to scroll through Twitter for a while before he too decides to turn in for the night.

 

\---

 

Phil wakes with a small start, his heart pounding in his chest. His eyes dart around the room, unsure of what he’s expecting to find, but with a sense of unease hanging over him.  He doesn’t see anything; of course he doesn’t, his bedroom is completely empty, but the feeling doesn't leave. His dream is fast fading from his mind, and soon he can’t remember what startled him awake in the first place. Checking his phone, Phil realizes that he’s slept in. He grabs his glasses and swings his feet out of the bed with a yawn, before shuffling towards the door. A glance to his right reveals Dan’s bedroom door is slightly open, an indicator that Dan is awake and about the house, so Phil heads down the hallway.

“Dan?” He calls through another yawn. There’s no response, and the feeling of unease from before increases.

He pushes the door to the lounge open, his brain starting to form ridiculous scenarios in favour of logic. The lounge is empty. He calls out for Dan again, but he already knows he’s not going to get a response. Dan’s gone, he’s finished packing everything and left before Phil woke up. Phil sinks onto the couch and looks around the room. Despite still being full of furniture and other miscellaneous stuff, it feels empty without Dan.

Phil knows that he should have expected Dan to be gone after last night, but he still can’t help but feel sad. There had been a part of him that had hoped Dan would suddenly change his mind and decide to stay after all, that he wouldn’t let their friendship fall apart so easily, but clearly he was wrong. Dan is gone, and Phil is left with an apartment far too big for just him, and memories of the past 6 years.


End file.
